Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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