I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vagina just clenched in fear
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
