I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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