Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
they call him Oral-B. enough said
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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