I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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