I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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