Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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