You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
