i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
