story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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