Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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