and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
