I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
