listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
