halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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