I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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