I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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