Your face is a jimmy john
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
