That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
