The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
