I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
