She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
