i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize