oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
