He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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