Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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