I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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