I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he shaved USA in his pubs
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize