It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
