my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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