There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
