If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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