I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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