A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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