Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
