I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
