im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
