he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
