we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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