Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize