hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
