Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
