oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
