just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
