Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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