I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
