i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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