I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize