can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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