I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
