So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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