I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
