He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
FUCK WHALES
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
