All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize