Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
