Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
