My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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