the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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