I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Rumble strips road head = magical
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Text me some of your sweat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
