You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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