guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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