I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
