Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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