Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
