either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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