wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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