Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
