Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
