You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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