He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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