Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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