omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
