He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
