Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
