You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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