New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
