it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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