I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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