Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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