3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
