ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
