i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
