Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize