So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
