I CAN MOONWALK!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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