it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize