you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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