Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
