Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
