they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize