Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
