I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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