he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
