you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
