No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
