You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
