The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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