Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
