Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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