I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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