My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my shit smells like andre
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think people are normalizing furries
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
