Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
