your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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