His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize