I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
