you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize