You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why do cheetos always look like penises
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
