Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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