When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
